Friday, January 27, 2017

Intention #3


To become a more Mindful person.

Insert buzzword. Write about it. Boom.

Mindfulness is getting a lot of attention right now, and in my opinion, for good reason. First, some definitions. Mindfulness is, “Being aware of what you are aware of.” Or “keeping your thoughts in the present as opposed to the past or the future.” Or lastly, “The awareness that emerges through paying attention on purpose, in the present moment, and nonjudgmentally, to the unfolding of experience moment by moment” (Kabat-Zinn).

Now, let me tell you about some of the things that happen when someone starts to practice mindfulness. “1) Nonreactivity to inner experience (e.g., perceiving feelings and emotions without having to react to them); 2) observing/noticing/attending to sensations, perceptions, thoughts, feelings (e.g., remaining present with sensations and feelings even when they are unpleasant or painful); 3) acting with awareness/ (not on) automatic pilot, concentration/ nondistraction (e.g., breaking or spilling things because of carelessness, not paying attention, or thinking of something else; 4) describing/labeling with words (e.g., easily putting beliefs, opinions, and expectations into words); 5) nonjudgmental of experience (e.g., criticizing oneself for having irrational or appropriate emotions)” (Siegel, 2007, The Mindful Brain).

I don’t know about you, but I have trouble staying in the present. I am always replaying the past or rehearsing the future. And those five things listed up there? I’m not so good at those most of the time. But I want to be.

So, I am setting the intention to become a more mindful person.

This looks like several things.

1) Slowing down. During the day I so often rush through life and don’t take time to reflect and process where I am at, how I am feeling, how I am responding to people, and learning to embrace all of my emotions. I really want to be intentional about being mindful throughout the day.

2) Before my day really gets started I’m trying to take 10 minutes to do some simple meditation. I start with a simple and short prayer asking God to help me to be present and sense His presence in my practice. The problem with this one is my deep affection for my snooze button…

3) Practicing centering prayer. When I get home from work I’ve been attempting to take the time to do a different sort of meditation. Centering prayer is something I’ve heard about for years, but never really looked into. Some Christians have issues with meditation. For those who are uncertain if Christians should do meditation centering prayer is a great alternative. I’m doing both and have definitely enjoyed both.

For me, I want to live my life on purpose. I think what that means is that I slow down and give time to develop my inner life. I saw this quote a couple of weeks ago, and it really hit home for me:

“Above all, trust in the slow work of God.” – Teilhard de Chardin

That actually might be my quote of 2017. If I can slow down, and trust that God is doing work in me, even if I don’t necessarily see the results right away, that will be all of the difference.

So folks. That’s it. Those are my three intentions for 2017. Now, the hard part of actually doing the work and not just talking about it.

To freely receive Grace and Love from God and to freely give more Grace and Love to others.

To embody Nonviolence in my Mind and Heart, and with my Eyes and Hands.

To become a more Mindful person.


I hope that you’ve benefited from my writing these past couple of weeks. I know that I have. I am really going to make an effort to keep on writing here on my blog. But, if you scan the prior posts, you will see that regularity isn’t my strong suit.

Intention #2

To embody Nonviolence in my Mind and Heart, and with my Eyes and Hands.

I never realized how controversial nonviolence was, until I declared my belief in its importance and my desire to live my life in such a manner. Several weeks ago, I was told, “If you and I are stuck on a raft in the middle of the ocean you better be careful because I will have a knife.” I don’t know if I totally understand the responses I get, but they have mainly been negative, with that one being one of the strongest.

When I came home from Mexico/California in August I started attending a Mennonite church. One of the prevailing reasons for this was that the Mennonites have always been what is considered a Peace Church. Again, the fact that there has to be a distinction among the evangelicals is something I don’t quite understand, but it is what it is.

If you google Nonviolence you will get a whole lot of differing opinions on what that means. If you’ll let me, I’ll offer my own working definition by starting with the negative. Violence is, in my opinion, “an aggressive act that seeks to harm, whether by action or lack of action, yourself or another.” So, nonviolence might be something like, “a peaceful act that seeks to better, whether by action or lack of action, yourself or another.” I don’t know if that is completely right, but let’s go with that for now.

I believe that Jesus gave us a model of nonviolence.

I want to do my best to emulate Jesus’ example.

So, what does Nonviolence look like for me?

It looks like not watching the UFC or American football anymore. It looks like not eating animals that have been tortured (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=icOD7hxUGI8 - Warning this is a graphic video showing factory farming practices). It looks like not voting for someone who will sentence someone to death. And it looks like being against all wars.

Are you still there? Let’s get to the hard part.

It looks like loving myself, even the hard to love parts. It looks like recognizing the person who is going to cut me off in traffic, and letting them in anyways. It looks like wanting the best for those around me, and finding a way to foster that. It looks like not joking around sarcastically. It looks like finding ways to stand up against injustice. It looks like fighting for equality for all people.  It looks like finding a way to disagree with people without thinking less of them. It looks like not being an ignorant consumer. It looks like not supporting companies that exploit their employees.

This was the hardest intention to write about so far. I think it is because this is such a big idea. It is an all-encompassing way of life. I feel like I didn’t do it justice, but I’m not sure how to do that here. I’m not even totally sure how to do that in my life.
But, I am intending to finish this year more nonviolently than I started it.

Intention #1 - Part 2


To freely receive Grace and Love from God and to freely give more grace and love to others.

Before fully addressing part 2 of this intention I want to talk about shame. There are, in my estimation, two types of shame. The first is shame for what you’ve done – Feeling shame for stealing a cookie. The second type of shame is a global evaluation of yourself as a bad, weak, stupid, or otherwise negative sort of person – I am a bad person for stealing a cookie.

In my last post I said, “I’ve spent my life doing my best to need as little Grace and Love as possible.” Do you know why that is? Because to receive Grace and Love from God I have to admit that I have done something (stealing a cookie) shameful that needs addressed. That shouldn’t be a big deal. But, because I have lived my life under a cloud of global shame, when the wrong I have done (stealing a cookie) is addressed, it feels to me like God is saying that I am a bad person. And when I steal the cookie it only confirms to myself that I am a bad person.

That is why receiving Grace and Love from God (or anyone, really) is difficult.

And shame is also why it is hard for me to give grace and love to others.

I want people to think that I am nearly perfect. When someone sees through my sham, when they see my faults, it feels as though they have not only discovered that I am bad at whatever I did to disappoint them, but that I am also just bad in general. A bit dramatic. Trust me, I know. Now comes the really dramatic part. When that same person then does something to hurt my feelings, I can totally blow it out of portion and make them (in my head) into a bad person as well. And I will withhold my grace and love until they come asking for forgiveness – and admit, through that asking, that they are also a bad person.

That was a hard paragraph to write.

 That is why this is an intention and not a resolution. I’m working towards this idea of giving more grace and love to others. It’s a process.

Soooo. What am I doing to become someone who forgives those who have wronged me? What am I doing to become someone who loves those who I find hard to love?


I have to believe what God says about me. I have to believe that his Grace is the foot on shame’s neck and that his Love makes me his son. When I can wrap my head and my heart around those truths, how I view and think of myself will change. When my core identity is changed, when the global shame is removed, I will be free to give more love and grace to other people. In reality that looks like trying to be a kind and gracious car driver. It looks like releasing my judgmental attitudes towards other people. And mostly, it looks like my second intention for the year… Which I will write about next week. Thanks for following along.

Intention #1 - Part 1



To freely receive Grace and Love from God and to freely give more Grace and Love to others.

I’m jumping right into the deep end with this one.

I’ve been staring at this page on and off for the last week. How do I best convey what I’m feeling? Okay, I’ll just say it. I’m bad at receiving Grace and Love from God. There are a lot of reasons for this, reasons I won’t get into, just know that this is true.

When I say “Grace” I mean the opposite of shame. When I say “Love” I mean like Guido in “Life is Beautiful.” https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xiK3HFwNDV4 (Go ahead and watch this clip real quick, then finish reading)

The problem is that I have a wrong view of God. Before I can freely receive anything, that needs to change. I need to view Him as the God that laughs with me at my foibles. I need to know him as the God that actually likes my faults. I need to believe that he is the Father that would make a Nazi concentration camp into a game just so that I might not be scarred by it. I think that if I can change the way in which I view God then I will be able to receive Grace and Love from him freely.

The god I was taught, and told, and shown, was not this sort of God. And honestly, I don’t think the idea of God that I grew up with is real. That god gave grace as a side dish to shame. “Oh, you again? Listen, here’s grace because I’m God. But, you really suck at being a Christian.” His love was the gift that murdered his son. And that guilt was hard to swallow.

So I’ve spent my life doing my best to need as little Grace and Love as possible. Anyone else with me on this one?

And that is why the first part of my first intention is to freely receive Grace and Love from God. To release shame and receive the Grace that he lavishes. To claim my sonship and receive the Love that is his character.

To try and make this a reality in my life I’m doing a couple things. I’m trying to find this God as I live my life and make my mistakes. “Oh David, I love watching you search for your car keys every single morning! It reminds me of when Jesus would set his hammer down, and then couldn’t find it five minutes later!” That God is there to be found, and I want to get better at finding Him… “Life of the Beloved” by Henri Nouwen has, and I say this literally, changed my life. Read this book if self-shaming is a language that you’re fluent in - like I am. I read “Sacred Romance” by John Eldredge and Brent Curtis years ago, but this book was recently recommended to me again, and I have it on reserve at the library. The last thing that I’ll mention for this part is that I’ve been going to a counselor and she is really great. She’s been helping me work through stuff that I didn’t realize needed worked through and some stuff that was pretty glaring. Long story short, she’s been helping me understand the why and how of Grace and Love.

Okay, I hope that wasn’t too wordy. I’ll do part 2, the part of extending Grace and Love to others, next week.